April Fool’s Day: A long-standing tradition of lighthearted practical jokes and general tomfoolery found in the cultures of most countries throughout the world. Curiously absent in North Korea.
April Fool’s Day Observances At Oakton: As April 1st fell during Spring Break this year, none whatsoever. However, most other years, Assistant Principal Comstock makes a point to pick out a mildly amusing tie (he’s a big fan of the classic “Dogs Playing Poker” print), put on mismatched socks, and even nonchalantly wear those-false-eyeglasses-with-the-plastic-nose-and-mustache during faculty meetings. Most experts agree that this is hopefully, God willing, the only “holiday” Comstock is aware of, and efforts are being undertaken to prevent his knowledge of any others.
4/20: A countercultural holiday celebrated by roughly millions of cannabis users worldwide.
4/20 Observances At Oakton: None, official or otherwise (marijuana is illegal and bad for you, after all). However, a sudden spike in the strength of the positive correlation between scores of all philosophy tests given on that day and truancy levels in every other class led to an official FCPS motion to encourage future truancy in order to raise our county’s dismal philosophy test scores. No child left behind.
Earth Day (not to be confused with Arbor Day): Held each year on April 22nd to increase awareness and encourage protection of the Earth’s natural environment.
Earth Day Observances At Oakton: As April 22nd fell on a Sunday this year, Oakton’s administration planned to make a special Friday afternoon announcement regarding the switch to a fully automated AI system (BNBRY 9000) created to be 100% less organic and thus 100% less wasteful than the body double/paid actor currently assuming the role of our “principal”. However, by two o’ clock most seniors had already left school premises, taking advantage of the five-minute head start to drive home. Underclassmen still present report not being able to hear the AI’s synthesized message too well over the noisy mass of moving bodies and opening lockers, but most made out the words “prepare”, “assimilated”, “resistance”, and “futile”. We’ll just go ahead and assume that “conservation”, “nature”, and “Earth Day” were peppered in somewhere in-between.
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