Over-enthusiastic holiday propaganda enfuriates us all

In the crisp days of October, nothing is more comforting than thoughts of watching the leaves change colors, carving pumpkins and designing the perfect Halloween costume. But all too often, when I mosey into Giant this time of year for an impulse purchase of apple cider, I’m greeted by an agonizingly jubilant, inflatable, ho-ho-ho-ing Santa Claus. You can imagine my frustration. Is it even economically beneficial? Who the heck is actually pragmatic enough to start their Christmas shopping in October? And don’t even get me started on back-to-school sales. When I’m only halfway through my summer vacation, I don’t want Staples reminding me of my looming fate in the form of buy-one-get-one-free deals on glue sticks. Also, in the fierce blizzards of February, you can bet your sweet posterior that I’m not going to ski my way to CVS for some chocolate Easter bunnies.

Another issue of equal annoyance is the inclination of clothing stores to sell their merchandise seasonally. If my bathing suit wears out in the middle of July, it would be safe to assume that I really don’t care about the new fall shipment of jeans and cardigans. Furthermore, by the time I want jeans and cardigans, the stores have moved on to peacoats and wooly sweaters. And right when I’m almost ready to put away my winter coat, I’m expected to be procuring a bikini? I don’t think so. Honestly, shopping shouldn’t feel like trying to jump onto a moving train.

Has America’s attention span really lowered this much? Is one themed holiday a month not enough to satisfy our need for constant celebration? I think it should be. Stores nationwide are simply manipulating and capitalizing the human inclination to want to be well-prepared for everything. But it has gone way too far. You should be able to enjoy your Easter dinner without being pressured to worry about which flowers to get your significant other for Valentine’s Day.

So this is a public service announcement to retail businesses everywhere: stop this madness, learn to live in the moment and above all else, have a happy New Year!